Limitless Gold

 Scene: The Lecture Hall at Pendlemoor University    

Characters:

• Professor Bernard Argent – Part Indiana Jones, part eccentric mythologist.

• Cassie – Sharp grad student who doubts everything.

• Russell – Local plumber turned “technologist”.

INT. LECTURE HALL – DAY

PROFESSOR ARGENT (mid-rant, gesturing wildly) The River Beneath! Not poetic myth—but molten truth. A stream of water, deep inside the Earth, warmed by magma, rich with heavy metals... even gold. Dissolved. Hidden. Seductive.

CASSIE (skeptical, scribbling notes) Wait—you’re saying we can vacuum up gold from hot mud water?

PROFESSOR ARGENT Exactly! At 35 meters deep, we pierce the crust, greet geothermal gods, and extract treasure by dry-cleaning the planet.

RUSSELL (enters holding a blueprint, sipping tea) I modified my Dyson. Now it’s not just sucking up crumbs—it’s vacuuming wealth. We're getting off mercy, God, and iron. Mostly gold though.

CASSIE What does “getting off mercy God” even mean?

PROFESSOR ARGENT (serious) It means we don’t beg the heavens—we mine them. Think small borehole... large fortune.

RUSSELL (smiling) Just 35 meters into the moorland. That’s shorter than my Aunt Beryl’s gossip chain.

CASSIE What about permits? Maps?

PROFESSOR ARGENT Ah, Deep River. I downloaded their town map. It’s not accurate—but who needs accuracy when you’ve got destiny?

RUSSELL Fifty tonnes of dust, £600 million a year. We’re not just striking gold. We’re striking absurdly plausible geology.

CASSIE You realise this sounds like a conspiracy theory mixed with plumbing fiction?

PROFESSOR ARGENT That’s mythology, dear Cassie. It always sounds insane—right up until someone gets rich.

? Want me to expand this into more scenes? Maybe a local council showdown, an underground explosion, or a scene where the Dyson gets possessed by a golden river spirit?

⚖️ Scene 2: Council Chambers Showdown

INT. SALFORD COUNCIL CHAMBERS – NIGHT

Councillors gather in a dimly-lit, oak-paneled room. The mood is tense.

COUNCILLOR BRIGGS (suspiciously) Let me get this straight—you drilled a hole in the moor, sucked up the planet’s sweat, and now you want a mining permit?

RUSSELL (grinning) Not want. Deserve. We’re solving inflation with plumbing.

PROFESSOR ARGENT (brandishing old maps and a fossil) This river's mentioned in Roman texts and Manchester pub songs. It’s history, science, and destiny—all in one muddy geyser.

CASSIE (whispers to Russell) Did we ever test for toxicity?

RUSSELL It passed the tea test. I made a cuppa with it yesterday. Tasted like pennies and ambition.

⚗️ Scene 3: The Gold Rush Laboratory

INT. MAKESHIFT LABORATORY – FORMER GARDEN SHED – DAY

Gold dust sparkles in jars. Equipment buzzes. Cassie inspects a bubbling tank.

CASSIE We’ve separated iron, mercury, copper... and a suspicious amount of glitter.

RUSSELL (holding up a gold nugget) This one looks like Bono’s earring.

PROFESSOR ARGENT (serious) Gold isn't just metal—it's myth. Every atom a whisper from the gods.

Suddenly, the Dyson starts to hum louder.

CASSIE Is it supposed to do that?

RUSSELL Only when it finds treasure... or paranormal activity.

? Scene 4: News Helicopter & Public Frenzy

EXT. MOORLAND DRILL SITE – SUNSET

News crews swarm the site. Locals gather with sieves and mugs.

REPORTER (to camera) What started as mythology has become economy. Locals are calling it “The Salford Sluice.”

NEIGHBOUR (trying to siphon water into a thermos) If this works, I’m retiring from Tesco tomorrow.

Cassie shields her eyes as a helicopter lands. Out steps a mysterious figure in gold sunglasses.

PROFESSOR ARGENT It’s him. The financier. Lord Aurelius.

RUSSELL Please let him be wearing Crocs.