In a hastily arranged press conference outside Number 10, Prime Minister Keir Starmer addressed growing public bewilderment over Chancellor Rachel Reeves’ proposed Air Tax initiative.
“Let me be absolutely clear,” Starmer began, inhaling deeply before continuing. “Breathing is a fundamental right—but rights come with responsibilities. And sometimes, those responsibilities come with a small, adjustable fee.”
Pressed on whether he supported taxing oxygen intake via personal AirMetres™, Starmer dodged specifics but emphasized fiscal discipline:
“We remain committed to our manifesto pledges. We will not raise income tax, national insurance, or VAT for working people. But we never said anything about atmospheric consumption.”
When asked about the crackdown on bad jokes, Starmer was more direct:
“I’ve heard the one about the chicken crossing the road. It’s time we moved on.”
He refused to comment on the rumored exemption for Erics, stating only that “personal grievances should never shape national policy, unless they’re really funny.”
📉 Political Fallout
Opposition MPs have demanded a full audit of the AirMetre procurement process.
The Green Party has expressed cautious optimism, noting that “less breathing might reduce carbon emissions.”
Meanwhile, Reform UK has launched a counter-campaign: “Let Britain Breathe.”
Would you like a mock editorial from The Daily Gasp or a parody interview with an outraged Eric? I’ve got plenty of satirical oxygen left in the tank.
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